Getting to know death

The truth is we all know death, it brushes past us in the street, sits next to us on the train, takes our loved ones away. As much as we don't want to admit it death knows all of us too- it knows exactly when we will take out last breath, ride our last bus or the last time we will eat our favourite meal. It knows where we live, where we are going, who we really are inside. I think it's comforting to know death because the more you know your fate- the less daunting it will become. The more you understand the less you care. I do not intend to live life to the full, to take every day as if it were my last instead I choose to appreciate the little things; the tune the mailman hums or the leaves falling off the trees in autumn. I know I am soon to leave but it doesn't make me cry, nor force me unto depression. Alternatively it forces me to get to know death, makes me find out about the person who eventually will do the unthinkable. I do not care for sorrow or God. I care for death the only person who will ever really know me as I am stripped down and bear. I am unsure of when you'll find this it may be tomorrow, or in several years from now, when you clean out my room, you might never find it but I want you to understand that my brush with him was pleasant enough.
yours
Emile

My sister always had a way with words, when she left us I didn't cry I still really haven't. My Mother and Father shut them selves up in their room for days nothing is really the same. Her picture still remains on the mantle piece and so does her presence. Her room remains locked, private- away from the world. Her friends smile at me in school and people our always nice but I'll never be the old Caroline. Just that girl Emile's sister.

I was always in her shadow growing up but all siblings are I love her and nothing will ever change that, but I envy her too not because of her attributes or skills just because of her getting to know death I'm afraid for that day, I could never face up to it like she did. Aunty says the best people leave first but she didn't leave- she ran. Emile ran away from this life the only way she knew how to. Selfish you could say or brave, but it wasn't.

One day her shadow will leave me, once I'm older and I will no longer wonder how she got to know him. But until that day I will sneak into her room and remember her for what she really was, just Emile.