Blackbirds

It's funny how in an instant everything can disappear. In a second, a breath, now. When most people die it's unexpected, of course there are some instances when you know you're going to die;
I think thats worse- knowing you'll leave the word soon but unable to do anything, change, scream. Is there even a Paradise Hell?

I know I'm going to die now. I knew it soon as the first gunshot echoed through the hall ways lingering in the stiff air. Three shots in a row.

I'm not going home tonight. I shall die at my school desk, watching the lights slowly disappear in my class mates eyes if I'm not first.

They will obliterate our school walls, rip up our school books- shatter our dreams. Set our bodies on fire as a warning to the other girls. In the name of what? God. Maybe I should have listened to their warnings, but I thought somehow  I deserved a better life something different. Father says 'Women aren't ornaments to be left on a shelf and dusted every so often. Ultimately nothing. I remember back to the days when father would write about what life was like really here. Before he was flogged on the square like a animal, he doesn't write anymore nor speak, just sits in the door off our house staring at the black birds the fly past. One day I'll fly for real across the mountains over the azure lakes to freedom, where it's rife and I can learn.

My Neighbour once told me of a thing called a 'democracy', his house burnt down, I don't have a neighbour any more. The funny thing is I never thought it would end up this way. But us girls don't think because it is impossible for me to know anything. The window panes rattle, people are preying but I just want to be with my thoughts with what little time I have left.

So many questions, when I'm gone I will miss so much my brother growing up. My mother growing up the stomps travel through the hallways. My heart and my breathing becomes so loud I cannot control it.
What will I meet after I'm gone?
"Bang"
I guess now I will know.