For Noah

I have your jumper and it still smells of you
I have our pictures and I still look at them sometimes
I didn't tell my friends about you
You were right it was best

I miss you

I miss you holding my hand and picking me up
I miss your lips and the way you'd jump out at me from behind corners
I miss your music and all the spontaneous things we'd do
You used to let me ride on your bike at the back

I'd cling onto your sides for dear life

As I cling onto the pictures now
Scattered around me I produce my lighter
Smoke engulfs me
You're right it was for the best

I want to say thank you

For the good and the bad
For the light and the dark you showed me
For your warm hands which fitted so perfectly into mine
I'm sorry I fell short of perfection

I still listen to your voice- it makes me smile

But somedays you have to make your own sunshine
Little by little I'm growing
You may have up-rooted me,  but I found new soil
And I am growing;
Stronger
Bigger
Better

I miss you. But not enough to call. Not enough to want to change.
Sorry.